If you’re caring for someone with dementia, you probably already know this:
the holidays can be… a lot.
There’s noise, lights, extra people, changes in routine- all the things that can be hard for a brain that already feels overwhelmed on a regular Tuesday afternoon.
Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. It also doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s Christmas. Here are some thoughts and ideas from my OT brain and from families I’ve worked with over the years.
Keep Christmas small (you’re allowed)
You don’t have to do every tradition you’ve ever done.
A shorter visit, fewer people, or celebrating in “shifts” can make the day much easier for someone with dementia.
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Try to keep meals, meds, and rest times as close to normal as you can.
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It’s okay if Christmas is just a nice lunch, a nap, and one special thing you do together. That’s still Christmas.
Choose the traditions that feel good
Ask yourself: What parts of the holiday feel comforting for them?
It might be:
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Listening to familiar carols
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Eating a favorite dessert
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Lighting candles
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Saying a short blessing or prayer
You can let go of the stressful pieces: big crowds, rushing from one place to another, five hours at a noisy family gathering. You’re not “skipping Christmas”, you’re adapting it.
Prepare visitors a little bit
If family or friends are coming, a quick heads-up helps everyone:
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Let them know how your loved one has changed and what helps.
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Encourage them to say, “Hi, I’m Sarah, your niece,” instead of “Do you remember me?”
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Short, calm visits are usually better than long, chaotic ones.
This protects your loved one from feeling tested or embarrassed and takes some pressure off you too.
Make the environment calmer
So much of dementia care is about the environment:
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Turn the TV down (or off) during visits.
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Choose softer lights instead of lots of flashing or blinking ones.
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Keep walkways clear; too many decorations can become trip hazards or just confusing.
Think “cozy and simple,” not “Pinterest Christmas explosion.”
Offer simple, “success-based” activities
The goal isn’t to keep them “busy” all day – it’s to give them little things they can succeed at.
Ideas:
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Looking through old Christmas photos and talking about what you see
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Listening to old songs together – singing along if they enjoy it
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Folding napkins, placing cookies on a plate, “helping” wrap simple gifts
Watch for “I’m done” signals
Sometimes the brain has had enough even if the clock says it’s still early.
Look for:
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More confusion than usual
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Irritability, anger, or tears
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Restlessness, pacing, or fidgeting more than usual
That’s your cue to move to a quieter room, put on soft music, or tuck them in with a blanket and something calming in their hands.
And please, don’t forget you
Caring during the holidays can bring up a lot: sadness about how things used to be, guilt that you’re not doing enough, frustration that others “don’t get it.”
You’re not alone in that.
If you can, let someone:
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Bring a meal
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Sit with your loved one while you take a walk
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Help clean up after the meal so you can just sit and breathe
Christmas with dementia will look different, and that’s okay.
Different can still be warm, tender, and meaningful.
Warmly,
Meira
